Episode 24

To Hold on...

Khushi, struggling to understand what's happening between them, glances at his hands on her shoulders. He realizes he's still holding her and pushes her away. He yells at her - "I told you to handle the parking, not stand in front of a car!"

Tonight ,he held her to himself and didn't let her go, instead choosing to hold her close as she calmed down, . Even on the night in Sheesh Mahal , he held her to himself when she fell from the ramp - his instinct is always to hold her.

Remember from this day on  the protective shield stayed intact..in the very next episode poolside slip of both and hold on to each other is so smartly done... Don't forget after that  we have guest house incident ... He would always knowingly or unknowingly protect her ... that's what DeviMaiya is playing around with these two...

   

Today he is confused with a pang of guilt but later he will be running after the ambulance for her and When he finds Khushi at the roadside buying channas -his relief swiftly changed into anger. Khushi had no idea how worried he'd been about her - all she sees him yelling at her. She sensed all but he concealed his feelings that day too.

"What if I'd lost you!" twice, giving voice to his distress.

He doesn't do that here - he just reacts with anger because he was worried about her and she nearly got hurt because of his mistake.

First secure hold and then next moment dejection after realizing of going against his set norms...Koi Matlab nahin...

Khushi steps away from him, shivering badly, and he tries to walk away but couldn't. He looks back at her up and down - she's wet, shivering badly.Realizing that what he did to her, he offers her his jacket. But being nice to her would be a weakness,anego plays a role here as this will be an admission that he cares, so he attacks instead while trying to help her. Khushi's ego is no less than his and she refuses his offering...that envokes another layer of anger in him.

Meanwhile, Arnav while driving in the rain constantly thinking of her ... it always helps Arnav to find his path in life...his driving in the night is his way to gain control of his feelings...He remembers his encounters with Khushi as he drives in the rain: catching her at Sheesh Mahal, snapping her pearl Dori, tearing her dupatta free of his car, dropping her from his office window, the sari falling off her shoulder, her tears during the photo-shoot, her standing drenched and shivering in the car park, and finally, his arms around her as he swings her to safety.

His gripping secured, protective shell around her made his own shell cracked that day with the jolt of Thunder...ASR urged to protect her, hold her, to redeem himself from the agony of bitterness...she was indeed a shining star in the most stormy night without seen by any but him...

He lost the "Faith" in things which make a child "safe " in his heaven...

a Heaven of a child is "home" 

Home comes with "parents " 

Parents come with trust and Love

Those two factors were missing in his life...badly and he learned to say"koi fadak nahin padta" It doesn't matter...just like he used to say in his childhood to his mother "I don't care"...

Self defiance and that starts seeing and hearing things for a mind at an early age and at that age that child starts his/her rebellious nature to kick in...this is a mechanism coping with "Fear"

Fear of losing that dream ...

a dream of losing someone special to imagine to be without him/her

imagine being shattered by them 

shattering that part of your life which is way hard to snatch away and that is what he has to live with it, seeing his father shattering his dreams , seeing his mother getting mentally tortured...imagining how she is going through with that pain every day, seeing her crying...worse for any child

A 14 years old is the age where a child started learning transformation...from child to a young man or a woman with full dreamy life and he started an adult's life.

where he has to take care of his sister...he became a father figure , a protector and a predecessor which he wanted from his father but he got betrayed in return...

Here comes Faith after losing Trust and Love...

He lost that trust in God..."Main apni kismat khud banata hoon..." Yes he learned that because that is one way of getting out his anger as a child...He might have grown up but his mind was still there frozen at that age...to rebel from the norms...he never stopped others but for him that part had no meaning and like so many other things too which our society and culture has webbed around us...

In some ways he is correct...certain norms of the society had no meaning if a person's conscious is not right...

His conscious was clear and straight...but again he saw two version of a same picture always..

His mother who was a protector of a home for her kids...He saw "wo aurat" another woman who was the reason of breaking a home , a family...lost his trust on an other woman besides his sister and mother ...

He saw a di, sister, a mother figure who was everything for him but he was still incomplete , empty inside searching for that unconditional Love which he only had from his mother , ...kangan of hers even enough to sooth him..he wanted that noise and he got that in Khushi but again she was a woman...another woman ...koi ladki...jiss se ASR koi Fadak nahin padta...He was refusing it and that refusal made him more angry...and he started runniing away from her...but again has to halt in the middle of the road...yes he has to stop...and she was the reason of that ...the rain was "Showers of Love" in which he drenched...fully but again wanted to run away but could he...no she was in him ,penetrated deeply making him fully drenched inside out...and he was a sponge..absorbed it all too...the Love which he was looking for...

Love which never left him after his mother and he was showering it to others in his own way ...but embraced it through Khushi who showed him that he has it all along , just come forward and hug that "feeling" and he did before standing and denying...holding her in his arms...

                                             

His memories about hurting or wronged Khushi make him pressed the breaks and his car screeches to a halt and he steps out.

"Kyun mujhe pehli baar aisa laga ki main ... main shayad kuch galat kar raha hoon?" [Why, for the first time, does it feel that I'm ... I might be doing something wrong?]

He tries to convince himself he's right, but in vain ...

"Main sahi hoon. Main jo kar raha hoon sahi hai. Phir kyun ... kyun mujhe ussi ka khayal baar baar aa raha hai? Sirf ussi ka chehra" [I'm right. What I'm doing is right. Then why ... why do I think about her again and again? Only her face.]

For the first time in forever, Arnav looks over at his actions but everything makes him confused and angry in such a complicated way that his anger rises again.

"Arnav Singh Raizada ko kisi ladki se koi farak nahi padta " [Arnav Singh Raizada isn't affected by any girl.]

yes ! not any other girl matters,BUT Khushi! as his hands are writing the destiny of her along with him...

The Rain of destiny as a hand of destiny has written a lot tonight,,,no matter how much he is trying to wash away,but standing in the rain , feeling guilty was doing the same ..punishing himself just for punishing her...

Destiny has been written not to be washed away...

her worry centered on her sister ... totally unknown about the tumult she has caused in him.His mind and heart were plagued by her thoughts.. .He FELT strongly her presence in him..He is shaken though she was shivering with cold but the red shoot and then having her in his embrace is nearly burning him...

 At the top, the guilt,his reactions to her due to frustrations over why she matters dammit Why she effects him so much?.. 

Standing in the middle of the road he is clearly shaken by the feelings she has evoked in him ... those feelings from which he is running away since the age of 14...

It was late and she had not done justice to her sister's bday but Akash knew what needs to be done.He offers her ride home where we see two things,

One Akash's inner feelings and prayers get answers, he finds out Payal is Khushi's sister.His bought gift is Payal's choice...a Dupatta

Seond, Shyam's worries seeing Raizada's plate number...I didn't like his eyes on Khushi the very same way, Khushi feels.It was not right...

Episode 23

~Rain of Desires.~ 

Rim jhim gire sawan
Sulag sulag jaaye man
Bheege aaj is mausam main
Lagi kaisi yeh agan..

He was totally engrossed in Khushi's thoughts while standing in his office.A couple of minutes, whatever he felt, he never felt in years...What was it? A flicker of fire, a crumbling ember of a desire he never felt before, he was stunned, he was frozen, he was taken by one look of her, forgetting every challenge, every ember of anger, just Her being in front of him in the most innocent way, unaware of her beauty...He was seduced by this innocent tempting beauty, enthralled by her ignorance that she holds the power to turn him on ... a man who was surrounded by many models from tiger ranks and all was captured by this girl who was means nothing to him...

Really Farq padta hai starts here...

He needs to gain control... And what better way but to deny everything he is feeling... Push away the very cause of all this distraction...because that is what she is... A nobody... She means nothing...mujhe uss ladki ke liye bura nahin lag sakta...yeah right

 Lavanya tried to divert his attention,but his mind was blank over her actions till Khushi comes up the stairs and averts her eyes when she sees them. Lavanya accuses Khushi of spying which enrages him.

Belligerence flashing from his eyes, not because of Lavanya's words but losing his own control...He needs to gain that control which was slipping because of this girl... He knows the art of  denying every thing he was going through, or feeling about her right now... but how come he let that happen...Just because of this girl...who the heck she is?, how can she holds such power to tame him...Him, Arnav Singh Raizada...who doesn't get affected by any girl...How come? 

This will come back again during Diwali when he will cross a limit and control but then it will be too late...he will break her and himself yet to be bandaged together...

This is a beauty of IPK, the moment these two destined souls fall apart DeviMaiya brings Payal and Akash in the middle of them to bring these two stubborn together...

Every time...Har bar

oh but at this moment...nah! He is struggling himself and that confused soul is getting punished

 Ghar jana chahati ho?? Nahin ja sakti!! ...he orders her to take care of car parking... 

But what is that? The next moment,a layer of regret covers his face...What is he doing???Something is not right about it...Did he ever lose the control of his decisive brain?Not before but today he did...

Her punishment is that she can't go home: she has to direct cars into the parking lot for a late-night conference. Khushi tries to argue but Arnav tells her to either do it, or resign. Khushi leaves his office, tears in her eyes, and his expression morphs from anger to something like remorse, he knows he isn't doing right thing,but his mind condemns these thoughts.

That shows that Arnav's over-reaction is caused by a pang of guilt - as she saw him with Lavanya that close and he didn't like that but that wasn't the reason..he was just staring lustfully at Khushi and now she's seen him like this with Lavanya , it was proving him as low character and he never wanted that.

as she will accuse him of with this later"aapka character hi dheela hai" when she finds out their "live in " arrangements without marriage.

Meanwhile, Arnav 's plans to keep Khushi at work as late as he could, ruining her plans to leave early. made Shyam to stay with Bua-ji and Payal. Shyam canceled his plans with Anjali .

Just like the release of the video footage introduced Shyam into Khushi's life and ruined Anjali's marriage, Arnav's decision to keep Khushi at the office only hurt Anjali in the end.

If Arnav had taken a moment to think none of this would have happened. In this case, it never occurred to him that Khushi might need to go home for a good reason...but it was destined...

While Khushi directs the traffic alone, despite her fear of the dark and the rain that starts pouring down. Payal, at home, worries that Khushi doesn't have an umbrella with her.

After finishing the meeting... standing under an umbrella in the car park, he was watching Khushi working while getting drenched. Arnav is visibly stricken by her vulnerability as she shivers in the rain. One of Arnav's clients admonishes Arnav for putting a young girl to work in the downpour, but Arnav walks away from her without saying a word. Akash looks like he wants to help but silently follows his brother.

Dark thunderous clouds under the bolts of lighting, Khushi was standing completely soaked, shivering yet successfully managing a smile for a concerned client who tells directly"Arnav bhi khabi khabi hud kar deta hai... Arnav takes matters to such an extreme...Yes, he did today and he knows it too...

kyuon mujhe aisa lag raha hai ke main kuch galat kar raha hoon...Why am I feeling that I am doing something wrong...

ASR couldn't keep his eyes on her...Maybe guilt is pinching... His anguish is visible in his averted gaze but determination leaves him stiff ... He does not back down...He has to win his control...

He leaves her there alone, drenched in the middle of the parking lot but could he??? 

A car loses its control in the rain, heading straight to Khushi. With wide opened eyes she stands there with fearful eyes.He comes like a bolt of light, scooped her up in his arms and whirled away into the rain, holding her tight and she clings to her life savor... the car screeched by passing them with a clap of thunder around...she was safe. Clasping in each others' arms,they stood there, her head on his shoulder, his cheek pressed against her head and the rain poured on. 

His eyes were burning under this jolting ice... he didn't let go of her...She was holding him tightly, scared, breathing heavily... 

                   

They stayed there , getting drenched in the rain,  water streaming into eyes, lips, dripping from him onto her...

Rabbe Ve plays in. The rain was pouring down like a music. Khushi struggles to regain her breath yet holding his tightly. Her arms are around him as always he is her safe haven. Arnav holds her shoulders, frozen. Khushi slowly calms down and the realization dawns in that where she is. She looks at his hand on her shoulder before raising her head to look at him. 

              

 Their faces inches apart while eyes lock them in. The rain was pouring all around them drenching them with these unknown feelings.Surroundings got paralyzed, minds got connected, hearts tuned together and eyes were searching...searching for answers...but for finding answers first minds have to understand the questions?

Neither he knows nor she ...

There is only a Desire and a Denial

Residing side by side

iss paar ko Kay naam doon